Ask him questions that help him learn to self observe, but please do it in private. Many times he has no idea that he is coming across as disrespectful, or that he is acting or saying something inappropriate. I wish you knew that my son is a poor self-observer. The more you can break down projects into small tasks with due dates, the more successful he will be. I wish you knew that large tasks or projects overwhelm him. We want him to know the material, but we want our child to feel confident about his ability to complete the work instead of feeling like there is no way he will ever get it finished. When the parents of a student with ADHD ask for a reduced homework load for their child, we aren’t trying to get him out of work. What might take a neurotypical student 15 minutes to complete takes my son an hour. I wish you knew how long it takes my son to complete homework. His brain is like, “No! Not again! I’ve gotta do something fun!” He has just come from chatting in the hallways with his friends, after sitting still and trying to be quiet for 50 minutes in another class. I wish you knew how difficult it is for him to walk into the classroom and get right to work. His brain doesn’t hold on to things the way your other students’ brains do. I wish you knew when he says, “I forgot,” nine times out of 10 he really did forget. I wish you knew that when you acknowledge him doing something right, whether he shows it or not, it makes his day. He is so used to hearing, “Carlton, be quiet,” “Carlton, you’re not trying hard enough,” that the majority of the time he feels like a failure. I wish you knew that my son needs encouragement more than other students. That is his natural defense mechanism kicking in to convince himself that he is cool. No matter how confident he may appear, don’t be fooled. He is probably seen as immature and annoying by many of his peers. He doesn’t get invited to friends’ homes, he doesn’t play on sports teams with his classmates, and he doesn’t receive texts from close buddies. I wish you knew that his joke making and comments in class to gain attention are his way of trying desperately to fit in with his peers. I wish you knew that he can’t transition from joking around to getting down to business like you or his classmates can. The frontal lobe of his brain, which controls impulsive behavior, is under developed compared to his peers. I wish you knew that my son doesn’t mean to blurt out. I wish you knew how stressful school is for my child. If he is feeling any of these emotions, his brain responds by fighting, fleeing or freezing. What seems like misbehavior could be because he is overwhelmed, frustrated or embarrassed. I wish you knew that my son doesn’t want to misbehave. It is my hope that this will offer insight into the world of a student diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD).
To all the teachers reading this, thank you for teaching our children.
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